Written by Terrestris Veritas

“Here we are today at the Pulchetown Races, live on Red FM, 92 – 96. It’s a beautiful day here with the sun splitting the stones. There is hardly a cloud in the sky, and the fashion statements today are formidable.”

“Indeed, Jim, there has been a fascinating turnout today in terms of the extremities of hats but, no doubt, each and every one cost a pretty penny. Though, all in all, they do look fabulous.”

“Right you are there, Henry. And now here come the jockeys with their horses. The race will begin in five minutes, so to introduce the racehorses we hand you over to your commentator; James Roche.”

“Thank you, Jim, and yes the day is glorious. Here come the eight competitors for today and their striking steeds. First on the line-up we have Thundersprint. Indeed, Thundersprint has had a hard season but today many patrons are betting hugely on him. Secondly, we have General Speed, thirdly Huge-Hoof, Roaring Beauty, and then Prancing Dafy. The final three on the right are Headspin, Sparkling-Winner, and Golden-Mane. Some excellent and extravagant names by their owners, for sure.

“And they’re off! Roaring Beauty takes the lead in a strong sprint, lunging ahead of the pack with Sparkling-Winner coming some way behind, Thundersprint third, Huge-Hoof, then GeneralSpeed, Golden-Mane, Headspin and Prancing Dafy bringing up the rear. The horses are snorting vigorously from the whips of the jockeys and – oh my – Prancing Dafy seems to have tripped over his own hooves, slamming into the ground and sending his rider flying into the air. Either way, Prancing Dafy is out of the race now with the line-up of the others horses unchanged.

“But it does seem that Roaring Beauty is struggling to keep the lead as Sparkling-Winner gradually pulls ahead, inch by inch, getting closer with each gallop. And after getting the inside position of the bend he does so, with Roaring Beauty taking second place on the first lap, Thundersprint just behind. Yet out of nowhere, it seems Thundersprint has found a new lease on life – beginning to live up to his name – as he sprints with such determination to claim victory and earn many patrons new-found wealth. 

“As Roaring Beauty falls to third place, Sparkling-Winner also falls to second as Thundersprint takes the head of the pack and… OH MY GOD… is that a monkey riding General Speed?! This is absolutely mind-blowing and… well, totally unexplainable, but this jockey’s replacement is savagely skilled as he – I mean it – manoeuvres General Speed around the other horses taking him to first place. The other jockeys can only stare in horror as General Speed takes first place on the second lap with Thundersprint not far behind, Sparkling-Winner next, Roaring Beauty, Golden-Mane, Huge-Hoof and Headspin are much farther behind.

“Entering the final lap General Speed is losing speed and tiring rapidly, allowing Thundersprint to gallop up close with partner-in-crime Sparkling-Winner in tow. You can see it on the jockeys faces, these guys are not happy with GeneralSpeed’s lead but nothing can be done, speed is speed. But… WOW, Sparkling-Winner just knocked Thundersprint’s jockey off the horse! Thundersprint keeps going regardless but the horse is no longer counted without a rider but, oh my god, what an absolute blast of a race this is turning out to be!

“Sparkling-Winner, now in second place closes on General Speed with Golden-Mane following close to Sparkling-Winner’s heels. Roaring Beauty takes a devastating fall, causing Huge-Hoof and Headspin to fall over in turn. This is, really, a three-horse race now between the monkey-ridden General Speed, Sparkling-Winner and Golden-Mane respectively. But, again, Sparkling-Winner is attempting to knock Golden-Mane’s rider off him and it seems that the horse itself is acting on its own accord. Not good at all. Regardless, Golden-Mane is having none of that and savagely head butts Sparkling-Winner causing the horse to topple over into the ferns. It’s all to play for between General Speed and Golden-Mane now. The horses draw level with each other as they cross the line, Golden-Mane pulling ahead at the last second, just pipping General Speed to the post! And Golden-Mane is our winner, against all the odds. My my, what a race!”

Terrestris Veritas’s HHC was written on behalf of last month’s theme, chase. And what a chase it is! We were up and down, jiggling about, and getting our superb commentator voice on while reading this. It got us all excited for another day at the races! We have to commend the commentators performance, here, as a monkey jockey is particularly disturbing. If you enjoyed Terra’s quirky piece on horse-racing, make sure to check out some of his other writing too, including ‘The Servant‘ and ‘Lost in Transit‘.